I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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