Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
