you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
