I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
She has the best kind of daddy issues
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
