I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
