Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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