it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
