I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Randomize
