Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
