I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Sorry about my life...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
