Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
