When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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