i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
