After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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