those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I pour the whiskey from now on
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
