The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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