dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
