Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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