Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
