phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
