Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
