this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
