I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Randomize
