He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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