I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
