I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
