last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
