Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
How does one acquire holy water?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
