paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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