Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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