We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
