your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
My friends, they love my intelligence
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
