Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
