I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
