your thong is hanging out like whoa
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
