then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
