Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
