I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
