hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
