My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
