I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
