I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
