I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
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