do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
