You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
