I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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