i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
