i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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