Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
