i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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