Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
