i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
